February 28th, 2006

Death by Chocolate?–not

No fair, no fair!!

In the continuing and ongoing revision of health directives by medical science, today’s bulletin is that chocolate has been found to be non-hazardous to your health.

In a study conducted in–where else?–the chocolate-loving chocolate-producing Netherlands, it was found that older men who ate a third of a bar of chocolate a day had lowered blood pressure and a decreased risk of death.

You’d think this was good news–and for most people (especially older men in the Netherlands), it is. But not for me. Because, as I wrote here, I can’t eat chocolate. And that’s really sad, because I love it.

But to the rest of you: enjoy. Don’t mind me, sitting in the corner, watching you all, tears slowly rolling down my face.

And maybe it’s time to rename this dessert.

9 Responses to “Death by Chocolate?–not”

  1. Ymarsakar Says:

    Realage.com has an interesting test.

    Link

  2. Assistant Village Idiot Says:

    I recall an interview with an Italian gentleman who was at the time the oldest man in the world. “Every day, have a big glass of red wine and love your brother.”

  3. Ben-David Says:

    I think your limitation can be seen as a spur to creativity. So many unimaginative menus conclude with a chocolate dessert, instead of something that draws on seasonal or exotic flavors.

    Yes I like chocolate. But I also like halvah and anything with sesame, and I love lemon-flavored desserts (especially after a heavy meal).

    You can’t always wear a little black dress…

  4. strcpy Says:

    My mother has the exact same thing as you. I showed her your post a while back, she very much understood. I don’t know how long it’s been that way for you but she has been that way for about 10 years now. Every once and a while she wants to see if it has gone away – so far not.

    Not quite the same thing, but I ate fish about twice a week until I was about 28. I very rapidly developed a severe alergy to it – if I’m even in the same room/house where it’s being cooked my eyes swell shut and joints ache for a few hours. Within less than a minute of a swallow of fish I am emptying the contents of my stomach to dry heaves for hours, bright red skin, and joints ache for days (well, at least that is what happened last time – about 3 years ago and the fourth bite I ate since first having it). I still crave fish to this day, I’ve reacted to salt water and fresh water and am afraid to try and see (I’ve ate sashimi once since then and didn’t react so I think cooking it has something to do with it – though I’m afraid to do it again). Shellfish and anything living in water makes me feel bloated so I quite eating that too. I also LOVE crab leggs and boiled shrimp, I used to be able to eat, literally, pounds of the stuff at all you can eat places (I’ve been asked to leave places before), last time I ate shrimp I made about 5 shrimp, snow crab leggs not quite a half crab (my record is about 30 halfs) and I feel bloated and kinda sick. I haven’t ate anything from the water in a few years, afraid of the reaction.

    Food restrictions (diabetes, allergies, severe reactions, etc) are horrid if for nothing else that not being able to eat things others do, especially developed ones where you know what you are missing. I sometimes have such a strong craving for fish, shrimp, and crab I can’t stand it, even for frozen cheap fish sticks.

  5. grackle Says:

    The two flavors that I never tire of: Chocolate & coffee. At this very moment I imbibe a mixture of the two. Neo, you have my deepest sympathy.

  6. xbalanke Says:

    Hmmmm, so chocolate, coffee, and beer have studies showing them to be beneficial. I’m going to have to find some new vices…

  7. Meade Says:

    “…based on data collected for more than a decade on Dutch men who were ages 65 and older in 1985.”

    Advanced years — bring ‘em on!

    signed,
    Just a Pup at 52

  8. SonnyJim Says:

    I always look into these various studies to the part where it says that it is dark chocolate, not milk chocolate that is the better one. Then I go and enoy some 85% with a little coffee.

    I’m terribly sorry to hear that you can’t do the same. It’s the caffiene you know, at least that’s what sets off the migraines for my wife.

  9. Steve Says:

    I have been making hot chocolate for decades with milk, sugar, and that Hershey’s chocolate powder that comes in a (now plastic) container. The last time I bought a box, it said, “contains anti-oxidant flavanoids!” I made sure everyone saw that.

    The archetypal exchange on the goodness of chocolate does indeed go back to Sleeper.

    Chocolate, red wine, cheese, tobacco, and combinations thereof have given me migraines. Luckily, that’s only happened a few times.

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Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely leaving the fold and becoming that dread thing: a neocon.
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