September 25th, 2006

Airport security: no nunchuks, no gellin’

Yes, it’s official: now you can bring your beyond-the-checkpoint-purchased beverages on board the plane. What’s more, you can bring little bottles of hair gel and face cream and all that good stuff, as long as they’re small enough to fit in a quart-sized ziplock bag.

Toothpaste is now allowed, a relief when freshening up to meet the boyfriend/girlfriend, or even the spouse. Also that tube of Blistex, so handy during lengthy flights in the dessicating cabin air.

But the carton of yogurt, staple alternative to airplane food, is still not okay, even if purchased in the airport shop. And, sadly, there’ll be no gellin’ in the old airport tonight. No, gel shoe inserts remain banned.

But please, leave the cattle prods at home. Or, if you simply must have them, pack them in the checked luggage. Likewise the drill bits, ordinarily so diverting during those long flights. The nunchuks will have to go in the checked luggage as well. Not to mention the billy clubs.

And the dynamite and the hand grenades? Leave em at home.

Small scissors, however, are mysteriously still OK.

3 Responses to “Airport security: no nunchuks, no gellin’”

  1. goesh Says:

    Roll a newspaper very tighly and it can give a concussion if used as a weapon. Thrust it like a baton to the solar plexus and it can incapacitate a person very easily and quickly. It can crush the larnyx too. Where there is a will, there is a way. The Left persists in fighting terrorism via the Law Enforcement model, believing terrorists are so stupid they had to use box cutters to kill 3,000 of us.

  2. Steven Says:

    I guess Napoleon Dynamite will not be able to demonstrate his nunchuk skills during the flight.

  3. ginger Says:

    but, but, but……how can I entertain myself on my next flight overseas without my cherished drill bits???

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Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely leaving the fold and becoming that dread thing: a neocon.
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