Halloween is so over. But the candy corn goes on.
Unless you get rid of the excess, as I did.
I’ve already written of my seasonal candy corn addiction, here. What I hadn’t mentioned is the post-Halloween temptation of the fantastically reduced bags of the stuff that they were practically giving away the day after. Who could resist? Certainly not me.
But at a certain point enough was enough. And yet, and yet, there was still a lot of candy corn left in the bag, calling to me with its siren song.
This is where the disposal comes in. It’s the one surefire remedy for impulsive food errors that one regrets—or will regret—in the morning, if not sooner.
So I dumped the candy corn in the hopper and flipped the switch. There was quite a bit of candy corn, to be sure. But the stuff is rather soft and I thought it should have gone down easily, especially when wetted by the cold water required when running a disposal.
But no. It turns out that candy corn, softened by the water and ground into smaller pieces, takes on exactly and precisely the consistency of that horrible white paste that was ubiquitous in the school art projects of my youth. It immediately stopped the disposal in its tracks, forcing me to reach in and manually clear the gummed-up works.
I will spare my readers further details of my travails in that endeavor. Suffice to say it may have put me off candy corn for quite a while—perhaps even till next Halloween. I’m only offering this as a public service announcement to those inclined to try the same stunt. Desist.
Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely 
November 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Next time melt it gently down, store away and use it as a syrup for tea or cakes waffles or the like.
November 15th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
“I will spare my readers further details of my travails in that endeavor. ”
You can admit your licked your fingers. We’ll understand if not approve.
November 15th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
This is hysterical. The mental image of your doing this is priceless.
Neo, I take my leftover candy to the office, and feed it to the Skinny People. It’s the only way to go.
BTW, I (just barely) resisted buying the 75% off bag. I did buy the earlier, 50% off bag. [sigh] Months of penance ahead!
November 15th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Reminds me of the time I decided to ‘mash’ potatoes with a food processor. You get library paste.
November 15th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
This is exactly why I flush things down the toilet.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
I bought mine before Halloween, on the way home from work on a tired night when my resistance was low and the siren song of Neo-neocon praising the glories of candy corn had been more than I could resist. I ate what I needed while I drove an unusual way home, on an unfamiliar narrow back road that twisted along a creek through a dark hollow where rocks and trees and water and the occasional mobile home were the only witnesses. I tossed what was left of the candy corn out the window. I hope the foxes and possums and ants are enjoying it. I’ll be able to wait now, easily enough, until next year.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Don’t throw it out, it will be needed for adhesive for the 20×30 ft posters which will be adorning edifices everywhere during the Grand Obamadork’s third term in the White House…
November 15th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Oh no! That was my favorite vegetable!
November 16th, 2008 at 1:44 am
Were this a dream, your shrink would love it!
November 16th, 2008 at 6:56 am
But no. It turns out that candy corn, softened by the water and ground into smaller pieces, takes on exactly and precisely the consistency of that horrible white paste that was ubiquitous in the school art projects of my youth. It immediately stopped the disposal in its tracks, forcing me to reach in and manually clear the gummed-up works.
The Candy Corn Insurgents will not be oppressed be for long, Neo. They will not stay down, they will Rise UP.
November 16th, 2008 at 9:24 am
I found another use for the excess/reduced price holloween candy. For $11.95 you can fill up a priority mail box and mail it to the troops. Yes it may not be healthy but I think they will like it.
http://www.anymarine.com/WhereToSend/
http://www.anysoldier.com/WhereToSend/
http://www.kiva.org is a good website to see micro-loans to the poor
November 16th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Well, as a constant reader I was going to suggest a way to deal with the compulsion to buy candy corn and the desire not to eat it: send it to me (address furnished upon request) and I’ll allow you the vicarious enjoyment.
However, Mike has made me properly ashamed of myself and in fact I have kept those e-mail addresses on file and sometime after Thanksgiving I’ll buy a large box of something that isn’t likely to melt and send it to some soldier or Marine.
November 17th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Young lady, the garbage disposal is for the stuff rinsed off dishes. Bulk waste products must go in the garbage, if, as is evidently the case, you do not have chickens or a pig.