There is only one jelly bean worth eating at Easter or any other time of year.
No, not those weirdly flavored “gourmet” Jelly Bellys (I consider the term “gourmet jelly bean” to be an oxymoron). The traditionalist in me abhors them, despite Reagan’s fondness. As for those jelly beans placed on the endless supermarket aisles of Easter treats that tempt us from Valentine’s Day until tomorrow—when the remnants go on sale and those get scarfed up as well—the vast majority should not be consumed by anyone above the age of four. Maybe even by anyone below the age of four.
What should? I submit these, which are a tad more expensive but probably will not break the bank:
Traditionally fruit-flavored, made with smooth and succulent pectin, with a lovely and slightly translucent sheen, they go down easy. Maybe too easy; it is possible to eat quite a few before realizing what’s happening. Take it from one who knows.
How did jelly beans come to be associated with Easter? It seems a no-brainer because of their egglike shape, but apparently the tradition didn’t really get going until the 1930s. Jelly beans are far older than that, however, making their debut as the confection promoted by Schrafft of Boston for sending to Union soldiers during the Civil War (a crafty man, that Schrafft).
A little-known jelly bean fact (at least to me) is that, “in United States slang in the 1910s and early 1920s a ‘Jelly bean’ or ‘Jellybean’ was a young man who made great efforts to dress very stylishly, presumably to attract women, but had little else to recommend him…The word was also used as a synonym for pimp.”
Returning to the actual candy, I offer a caveat: there is hardly anything worse than the shock of thinking you’re biting into a normal fruit-flavored jelly bean and getting a spicy one. They should be identified by special markings, like those insects that are bad to eat, as a warning to others. I suggest racing stripes.
But if you buy the Russell Stovers, no need to be on the spice alert. And remember: tomorrow the sales begin! Although, come to think of it, it’s a sign of this particular jelly bean’s superiority that not only are they generally available year-round, but at some stores they are exempted from the post-Easter markdowns. They’re that good.
Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely 
April 12th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Black ones are the best!
OTOH, Jelly Beans are like popcorn or potato chips to me. Can’t eat just one.
April 12th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Sorry Deekaman; licorice jelly beans are an abomination.
Russell Stover doesn’t have any in the featured assortment.
April 12th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Sorry but no Jelly Beans for me at Easter. The only thing I allow myself to indulge in are the small Cadbury’s robin-sized eggs. And not those made under license by Hershey. Gotta be the one’s from England.
April 12th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
No not the cream filled eggs – the small chocolate ones with a very thin sugar candy coating.
April 12th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Neo,
Have you ever seen the retro candy collections at Amazon? Just search retro candy at the site. I haven’t ordered them, but just reading some of the names takes me back to daily trips (in summer when there was no school) to our local grocery store. My friends and I spent a good bit of time choosing among the penny candies. They were behind the the counter, but since we were such good customers, we got to go back there and make our own selections. Sometimes when we were playing in our homemade tents, we planned a dinner of penny candy–coke bottles (those wax ones with a sip of liquid) for the drink and those little hard watermelons for dessert. I can’t remember the main courses.
April 12th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Something about the texture of jellybeans i’m not a fan of. Like they can’t make up their mind if they want to be crunchy or squishy.
April 12th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Oh dear. Partisan divisions rear their ugly heads. Necco wafers: yay! Donuts v. cupcakes? Agreed, wholeheartedly. Candy corn? You betcha. As for jelly beans, I agree that “gourmet” ones aren’t worth a second look. But fruit-flavored jelly beans . . . no, no, no. Spicy jelly beans are much more fun, and the licorice ones are best of all.
I hope we can still be friends, even though such a crucial issue divides us.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:00 am
I didn’t get any jelly beans this Easter!
(Have to correct that oversight, pronto…)
April 13th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Camojack,
get in touch with the White House. I think you are due a jelly bean bailout.
April 13th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
“there is hardly anything worse than the shock of thinking you’re biting into a normal fruit-flavored jelly bean and getting a spicy one.”
Oh, I’ve experienced something FAR worse: taking a sip of a drink thinking it’s milk when it’s actually orange juice. Not usually an easy mistake to make (you have to be looking away from the drink while drinking it), but I can only describe the sensation as horror.
April 13th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I am on the side of the licorice JB conflict. (It can’t be a debate, because none of us are going to listen to the other side’s pathetic “arguments.”) An old Ziggy cartoon pointed out that black jelly beans are especially appropriate what with the Easter Bunny delivering eggs and all. “At least, they LOOK like jelly beans…”
April 13th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
As soon as I saw the title of this post, I had one thought:
Stover’s jelly beans (called pectin jelly beans I think)! As far as I am concerned, they are the ONLY jelly beans I will eat, since I discovered them many years ago! They are yummy, with semi-soft centers (but not the kind that stick to your teeth) and are tangy sweet, not sugary-sweet.
Unfortunately for me, I searched what seemed endless aisles in several stores, a good couple weeks before the holiday, and couldn’t find a single bag this year!
I’m glad you’ve shared this wonderful secret. As for me, I will just have to be content this year with vicarious enjoyment!
April 14th, 2009 at 3:42 am
dane Says:
April 13th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Camojack,
get in touch with the White House. I think you are due a jelly bean bailout.
Hmmm…doubtful; I’m one of the 92 percenters who pays his bills.