…and or if you’re feeling suicidal, Chili’s Onion String and Crispy Jalapeno Stack would be a good place to start:
No, I’m not really recommending it (don’t want to be sued). I was just astounded at the calorie count. Even though I knew it had to be high, I wouldn’t have estimated it would be this high: 2,130 calories; 213g fat, 31g saturated. If I’m not mistaken (and I’m not), a gram of fat equals 9 calories. So this little treat would derive 1917 of its calories from fat, which would be 90%.
And I don’t even like fried jalapenos.
I’ve long been astounded at the astronomical calorie content of certain foods (often the most yummy ones, although cantaloupe is a big exception, being both extraordinarily delicious and awfully good for you, as well as fairly low in calories). A wee bag of potato chips packs an enormous wallop, for example. Even seemingly innocuous treats such as this are surprisingly dense in calories and fat:
I must stay completely away from the little buggers, because once I taste one they release the beast in me and I must finish them. Must.
I see from the Amazon comments that I am not alone in this surprising vice. The first review there, by someone called “CleffedUP,” is entitled “Evil” and reads as follows:
These pretzels are evil. When my snacking comes to an end, I see flashes of myself laying on the unkempt wooden floor of an abandoned house. Scant beams of light burn between the cracks in the boards on the lone window frame, illuminating my tattered and orange-stained clothes. The sound of my body writhing over a pool of empty yellow aluminum bags, a half foot high up the empty broken walls, is quieted only by the echo of my cries of longing and despair.
And the second, by “T. Yoder,” is not far behind:
These little pretzel pieces are totally addictive, which is probably not a good thing because they’re a lot worse for you than you’d think pretzels should be. They have around 60 fat calories and 3 grams of saturated fat in ONE ounce, which equals out to be 15% of your daily sat fat intake per serving (one ounce).
The reason they’re so good AND so fatty is that the mustard/onion seasoning is in an oil that permeates through the shell of the pretzel, making them extra flavorful and not dry at all. They’re a little sweet, have good mustard flavor, and the onion flavor even comes through a little (they taste like they’re supposed to). I try to just grab a handful at snack time and quit while I’m ahead, but I usually end up going back for more later.
I see that, contrary to my intent—which was to warn you off these vile (anagram for “evil”) concoctions, that I may have only succeeded in whetting your appetite. Apologies.