February 27th, 2013

Heidi Klum’s Oscar night dress…

…was smashing:


44 Responses to “Heidi Klum’s Oscar night dress…”

  1. vanderleun Says:

    I wish these Oscar celebrants would just cut straight to the pasties and get it over with.

  2. George Pal Says:

    Well yes it is. On the other hand Heidi is not. She should acquaint herself with the potato. That’s a fine lithe look for your twenties, but when you’ve hit 40 the first thing to come to mind is ‘poor thing’.

  3. Mac Says:

    Well, dang, that’s an attention-getter.

    But y’know…am I the only one who thinks she looks emaciated, to an unhealthy degree? I mean, my first reaction was…typical male reaction. But then as I looked at other parts of her body ;-), I began to get slightly creeped out. Arms, neck, torso all look too thin, head too large. The face carries a slightly too-distinct reminder of “the skull beneath the skin”, as Eliot or somebody put it. Beautiful, yes, but…. Is it just me?

  4. neo-neocon Says:

    I’m not so sure if anyone got my pun.

  5. Sheryl Bryant Says:

    Very punny.

  6. expat Says:

    Were you saying that she needed something uplifting?

    She is a super celebrity here in German, especially since she married a black guy. I find her shallow, and she is not aging well.

  7. Lizzy Says:

    Yes, Neo, her poor chest has been smashed by the dress!
    Such a beautiful woman does not need to stoop to such tactics to draw attention – cover up, Heidi!

    Vanderleun – That time has already arrived (last year’s Golden Globes): http://tinyurl.com/7vohssd

  8. Roman Says:

    Speaking for myself only, I prefer a bit more flesh on the bones. While she is a pretty lady, way to thin. Still, gravity is not her friend.

  9. southpaw Says:

    Mac – agree, but it appears those things her dress is straining to hold down are engineered – they don’t quite fit the rest of the picture you describe. Either way, better than another picture of Obama.

  10. neo-neocon Says:

    southpaw: not to get too graphic about it, but if they were engineered, the dress wouldn’t have won the battle. They would be standing up of their own accord.

  11. scottthebadger Says:

    Squished is not an alluring look

  12. Paul A'Barge Says:

    At this point, I think she’s still nursing (correct me if I’m wrong). She has always been known for her natural, non-engineered and prodigious tah-tahs. Bodacious they are.

  13. George Pal Says:

    I think the substance of the dress is less than its metallic impression. More inclined to believe its early onset granny sacks.

  14. Mac Says:

    Neo, I confess, I did not get your pun, but I did note the phenomenon that your pun seems to be referring to.

  15. Ray Says:

    Women of a certain age should not wear clothes with a deep scoop neck. It’s like an old women wearing a bikini or an old guy in a speedo. It is not attractive.

  16. southernjames Says:

    People look even skinnier in person than in photos, based on the few times I have been up close in the flesh with celebrities. (They are also much shorter in real life than they look on t.v. Altho the rumor that John Wayne had to ride Shetland ponies that they made to appear to look like horses is false, I do believe).

    So….I think Heidi would look almost anorexic in person.

    The wife watches Project Runway, and I catch some of the shows. I have developed a dislike for the Harsh Germanic Fraulein — she seems to get too much satisfaction out of booting contestants off the show and demonstrates ZERO empathy. Not an ounce – total Ice. In a certain different place and time, good ol’ Heidi would have made a good female German Officer. Or the ice cold mistress of one.

  17. Don Carlos Says:


  18. G Joubert Says:

    She’s showing her age in various ways. But, then, I’m one who prefers older women.

  19. I R A Darth Aggie Says:

    Great Tebow’s Ghost! I can see London. I can see Paris.

  20. Sam L. Says:

    It has the advantage of having Heidi inside.

  21. JJ formerly Jimmy J. Says:

    ‘Tis what Bob Hope was referring to when he talked about the “backless, frontless, evening strap.” Alluring on much younger, curvier bodies. On Heidi, not so much.

    southernjames said, “Altho the rumor that John Wayne had to ride Shetland ponies that they made to appear to look like horses is false, I do believe.”

    You do believe correctly. I saw John Wayne and Ward Bond up close and personal in New Port, Rhode Island back in the day. They were both BIG men.

  22. Artfldgr Says:

    Heidi is one of my favs..
    her dad yelled at me like a mad man taking his frustrations out on me as i was near enough.
    [this was during the birth of the baby and the thing with seal]

    havent said hi in a couple of years…

  23. Jim Nicholas Says:

    But for you and the liberal education I get here, I would know nothing about the Oscar party or its costumes.

  24. parker Says:

    Trashy, icky and too skinny, shield the eyes of the children. My wife who is 62 and nursed 3 babes has more perky ta-tas.

  25. Occam's Beard Says:

    She looks like she’s … under pressure. Titillating. (Sorry.)

  26. Dr. Mabuse Says:

    I never can get puns. Unless you were making an allusion to pumpkins, which would fit the dimensions properly, but maybe that’s a stretch.

  27. Former Marine's Mom Says:

    That’s a dress?

  28. Charles Says:

    Yes, Neo, “smashing.” I got it right away. And, quite frankly, not a pretty sight. This “look” isn’t alluring or sexy at all.

  29. Ann Says:

    Isn’t Heidi known for saying “One day you’re in, the next day you’re out” on Project Runway?


  30. West Says:

    Yes. A little too much boobage for the chassis.

    Give her some credit for getting older pretty gracefully- well, mostly.

  31. rocky bridges Says:

    what did she wear to the sag awards?

  32. csimon Says:

    I so much agree with George Pal! The dress is exquisite. A work of art.

    But Ms. Klum, I’m afraid looks the worse for wear. It really jumps out at you. Her eyes look totally sunken and hollow and her nose looks like if you touched it with a make-up brush it would collapse. And — I know, some men love them — but her boobs just seem to shout out that them there balloons don’t grow naturally on such toothpick thin bodies. No envy here.

    When I was growing up, my mother always reminded me for some reason that as women get older, they look better with more weight. Skinny does not become aging women. She, like most mothers, was absolutely right.

  33. csimon Says:

    And neo, I didn’t get your pun until I read your comment. I got it. Very good!

  34. David Yotham Says:

    @ parker Says:
    February 27th, 2013 at 7:07 pm
    “Trashy, icky and too skinny” – to say the least! Extrapolate the pose, exposed breasts and lack of any modesty – then apply the results to our failed social system.

    How do I know it’s failed? Basic numbers – western societies are refusing to produce families where the birth rate covers the death rate. Instead of alarm at this factoid, adult children demand ‘rights’ and ‘entitlements’ – while voting for Obama-like governments. Party-Hearty, while the Goths are at the gates!

    The only positive observation I can make of the photo is her age – in a few years she’ll soon be dead and cannot flaunt her immorality for others to admire. Her death will mean as much as her life meant – nothing.

  35. Mike Says:

    Thanks for the view Neo,
    I was always taught not to eat your dessert before the main course.
    While my mind has always enjoyed your articles in the morning, my eyes enjoyed the eye candy this morning. I agree desserts are mostly empty calories but every now and then they are OK. Now back to the meat and potatoes of your articles that my mind enjoys. And to those that might think I’m being too flip, lighten up. A 100 yrs from now the eye candy, the smashing dress, and this viewer will have forgotten the whole deal 🙂

  36. JuliB Says:

    Any comment on the uproar over Joan Rivers saying that the last time a German looked so hot, they were pushing Jews into the oven?

  37. Sangiovese Says:

    OK, I learned something today. As a monogamous man with a sensible wife, I never saw one of these dresses up close and personal. I always wondered how they were engineeed to prevent a, um, wardrobe malfunction. Or, to put it plainly, what keeps those things in there? Apparently the compression force pushing inward is greater than the gravity force pushing outward. Very enlightening. 🙂

  38. Susanamantha Says:

    There is a double-sided sticky tape available (I forget what it is called) that is a necessity unless you’re hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.

  39. sheldan Says:

    I still remember J.Lo.’s “undress” as I call it. You may remember the one that was cut down to the navel.

    What’s with all these women who want to show that much cleavage? It’s as if the cleavage grabs us by the throat and says, “Look at me!”

    Maybe they have the body for it, but I think they’ve gone overboard.

  40. sheldan Says:

    JuliB: I would like to, but I think it deserves its own article.

  41. k. skynr Says:

    She reminds me of the Borg Queen.

  42. IGotBupkis, Legally Defined Cyberbully in All 57 States and some Canadian provinces Says:

    }}}Arms, neck, torso all look too thin, head too large.

    Meh. If you look close at her arms, they show muscle, she’s just naturally thin and (I’m sure) she doesn’t try to put it on). The big issue is her face, which does look somewhat gaunt, but that’s one of those places, where, as you age, either you gain weight (jowly, or “wattles”) or you lose weight and get bony.

    The biggest problem is that hair style does not favor her in any way. She could wear a style like that when she was younger (I’m put in mind of an Esquire or Vogue cover she did), but not any more.

    Here’s an older picture, which shows hair that more effectively frames her face — note that it’s her gaunt face in the above, “enhanced” by her hairstyle, that’s probably really bugging you:


    And as far as her breasts being “mashed”, well, they were never particularly conical — here’s an Oscar night shot from 2002, 11 years ago when she was 29:

    They’re hardly about to poke anyone’s eyes out.

    They were full, round, and fairly firm, hence noticeable to any guy — but never the pokey type that said, “HEY!! HEY!! Look at MEEE! I’m standin’ here! I’m standin’ here!”


  43. IGotBupkis, Legally Defined Cyberbully in All 57 States and some Canadian provinces Says:

    }}} or an old guy in a speedo. It is not attractive.

    There’s ANY time when a guy looks good in a nutsack?

    I grant, I’m not female, but I find it hard to believe that Chris Hemsworth would look any better in a nutsack than in white shorts with black loafers and black socks.

    Yeah, women would “ooh and ahh” but that’s by looking at his chest and ignoring, in both cases, what happened below the waist.

  44. heart edema Says:

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Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely leaving the fold and becoming that dread thing: a neocon.

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