No, it’s not college.
Boob school is where women learn what size bra actually fits them, and are introduced to the perils of the side boob, the quadraboob, the high rider, the super drooper, the big stand-off, and the ledge.
You may think this is funny. But we are not amused (okay, maybe just a little). Ill-fitting bras are the scourge of many women’s existence, and there is a pressing (ahem!) need for education.
I have noticed another phenomenon that the article doesn’t touch on, but that increases the confusion: the enormous profusion of bra styles and types. I can remember a time not so long ago when the lingerie sections of department stores were relatively simple affairs, with choices adequate but not overwhelming. There were the strapless, the halter, and the regular; the wired and the wireless; the low-cut; and the padded and the un. Cotton, satin, and lace, and a relatively small number of manufacturers.
Now the styles have proliferated exponentially, and each has a very special task to do. Eliminate back fat. Minimize. Maximize. Do away with the side boob. Look good under clingy tank tops. Have comfortable straps. And on and on and on. And the efficacy of none of these things can be ascertained by merely looking at the bra on the hanger; all must be tried on.
And don’t get me started on hair products. Or makeup. Makeup! Entire huge stores devoted to makeup (Sephora, Ulta)!
Now, I’ve been wearing makeup ever since I was a fairly young teenager, and that’s some time ago. In other words, I ought to know something about it. But venturing into one of these stores recently I realize I’ve been left behind in a cloud of dusty face powder (which I’ve never worn). I have no idea what most of the products there do, except that many of them purport to eliminate wrinkles, slow aging, and otherwise keep a woman looking like a dewy twenty-year-old.
Well, they may do that for the dewy twenty-year-olds among us—a group that constitutes the vast majority of the clientele in these places, anyway. But there ain’t nothing going to do that for the rest of us, no matter what the price, and no matter how many dizzying variations are worked on the theme.
Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely 
March 5th, 2013 at 11:40 am
Gee, I feel like such a boob after reading your post today……..
March 5th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
What drives me crazy is that after trying a couple of items and finding something you like, you learn six months later that it has been replaced by a new line.
March 5th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
expat: I forgot to mention that; how could I forget? It’s one of the ironclad rules of both bras AND makeup that all products you will like will be discontinued in about six months, or at least by the time you go to get your first replacement, whichever comes first.
Maybe that’s another post—what this policy teaches us in terms of Life’s Lessons, that is, non-attachment, the Zen of Bra-and Makeup-Buying. Learn to let go of your favorite products, because they will not be around for long.
If I really really really like a product, I have learned to stock up on it. Of course, I’ve gambled and lost with that several times. I have soured on some hair products of which I’d purchased about a ten-year supply. I could open my own resale store for the overflow.
March 5th, 2013 at 12:37 pm
I can let go of my favorites, but usually the replacements are terrible. I am just not in to purple nail polish or orange hair. Over here recently all the hair colorings have been given nut color names, and I really can’t associate hazelnut with a specific color.
Even in the supermarkets it’s bad because trusted brands are being replaced by organic crap that will disappear in about a month.
I hate shoppping these days.
March 5th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
I wonder why they don’t make them with adjustable knobs like they have on hard hats? This is definitely an engineering challenge.
As an adult male with little else constructive to add, I did notice this bit of advice:
“1. Make sure your bra’s back panel/strap is firm and flush to your back. (You should not be able to easily slide your hand underneath it when on). ”
So I offer this addedum: “if your husband or partner is clumsy or simply lacking in manual dexterity, you may want to reconsider and select a looser fitting garment where the opportunity for awkward romantic moments with your clutzy sweetheart is diminished.”
Something I noted in the article,
March 5th, 2013 at 1:43 pm
Look on the bright side: you no longer have to wear a corset. So there’s that.
March 5th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
Pics or it doesn’t count.
March 5th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
“But there ain’t nothing going to do that for the rest of us, no matter what the price, and no matter how many dizzying variations are worked on the theme.”
Fractional lasers?
March 5th, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Regarding the make-up issue, I need you to talk to my wife. Maybe you could address the issue of facial plastic surgery in a future blog post.
March 5th, 2013 at 2:03 pm
Quadraboob? That sounds painful.
March 5th, 2013 at 2:50 pm
bill: and redundant.
March 5th, 2013 at 2:52 pm
This is something I often ponder. I recently saw a picture of my grandmother when she was about the age I am now. She was completely grey, wearing no makeup (never did), wearing a shapeless house dress. My mom at the same age (50′s) did color her hair and wear lipstick occasionally. Women now are expected to never turn grey, have highlights and lowlights and a stylish cut. We’re expected to have regular manicures and pedicures, not to mention be tanned, toned and fit. Boobs must never sag, nor faces.
Where is the pressure coming from to be not just forever young, but young and beautiful and perfect? Is the proliferation of makeup, undergarments (Spanx!), hair products, etc. driving the trend or the result of it?
March 5th, 2013 at 3:10 pm
LisaM: both.
Another force is celebrities, who devote their lives to looking “young” no matter how old they are. Cosmetic surgery of all types (including body sculpting) make it possible to look young (at least from far away, or unless the surgery goes bad) at fairly advanced ages, so people come to expect it, and it becomes more the norm.
March 5th, 2013 at 3:39 pm
Everyone needs to dig up the You Tube boob seller who has dozens of videos on bra sizing.
March 5th, 2013 at 4:21 pm
Here we are, with that great American, Mr Bra!
Bra Fitting 101
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAoqg3Ysylo
March 5th, 2013 at 4:41 pm
My wife always complained about ill-fitting bras, so I figured out the perfect Christmas gift a few years ago. I gave a her a gift certificate to a local lady that advertised custom fitting. Her problem was solved!
Well, not really. Turns out the lady was part of some multi-level marketing scheme that focused mainly on recruiting new sales people. And her “custom fit” was a tape measure and a bin of Chinese-made bras. The lady tried to sell my wife a bra that fit her worse than her Wal-Mart bras and cost five times as much. My very outspoken wife told the lady exactly how she felt and got all of her money back.
This past year, she got warm pajamas, fuzzy slippers and a soft robe for Christmas. Much safer than underwear and she actually wears them.
March 5th, 2013 at 4:50 pm
In the last sentence of the prior posting, “them” refers to the pajamas, slippers and robe. I probably could have worded that last sentence better.
March 5th, 2013 at 6:10 pm
I know I’m not the only one in the USA culture that is both amused and repulsed by the way some Hollywoodish/California female types surgically “enhance” their upper lips, to the point where they look both ridiculous and grotesque.
(I know I’m not the only one because dear wife agrees with me.)
Just opening it up for discussion, if anyone is interested in commenting . . .
March 5th, 2013 at 7:23 pm
There is actually a new show on Lifetime (where else) called Double Divas in which two women drive around in a colorful vehicle and conduct bra fittings on those in need (think gospel choir members whose cups overfloweth and the like).
They do say that a well fitted bra is worth it’s weight in, er, gold. Can make clothes look better etc. In Pittsburgh there is a shop called the Pussycat in which skilled saleswomen will whip you into shape, so to speak. This shop is practically an institution (and way more discreet than getting fitted on reality TV!
March 5th, 2013 at 7:31 pm
I was in the makeup section of Walmart recently and there was a befuddled guy standing in the aisle. He said his wife asked him to get “primer” and he had no idea what it was or where to find it.
Poor guy. At least he wasn’t in the paint section!
For those who are wondering, this miracle product is supposed to make pores diminish and foundation go on more smoothly. I’ve tried it and have to say that I am a convert.
March 5th, 2013 at 9:45 pm
Thanks for keeping me abreast of this titillating subject.
March 6th, 2013 at 12:04 am
If you like something, stock up.
Sponge-worthy.
March 6th, 2013 at 11:45 am
One wonders where all this money goes to be laundered for other purposes.