December 7th, 2013

You’re heard of head cheese and toe cheese?

Well, now we have human cheese.

I kid you not. Read at your own peril; don’t say I didn’t warn you.

To counter all of that, I have a question for you: do you like fruitcake? Now, some would consider it an a par with human cheese, but I am not one of them. I happen to like it, although I try to stay away because of its extreme caloric density, a trait it shares with pecan pie as the sort of neutron star of the calorie world.

If you do like fruitcake—or know someone who does—I hear tell this is a good example of the genre. Although it’s not a bargain price, a little goes a long way.

And I might as well use this opportunity to segue into a reminder to please use the neo-neocon portal for your holiday Amazon orders. Thank you all!

17 Responses to “You’re heard of head cheese and toe cheese?”

  1. KLSmith Says:

    Thanks for the fruitcake link; I think I’ll try it. Never have understood why fruitcake gets such a bad rap. Most be a lot of bad offerings out there. Still, considering the awful junk most Americans willingly eat…… I guess it just became some sort of cultural joke we’re all supposed to be in on.

  2. liz Says:

    I like fruitcake, but I prefer to make fruitcake cookies. There are a variety of recipes out there. The one I found a long time ago was called “Lizzies” . The recipe called for soaking the raisins in bourbon.

    I’ve finetuned the recipe over the years that includes pouring the cook a nice glass of bourbon and coke.

    The important. point is to only have the fruit that you like and the types and quality of candied and dried fruit has improved.

  3. parker Says:

    Homemade fruitcake is a fond childhood memory for me. Commercial fruitcakes, except for the more expensive ones, tend to be dry.

  4. rickl Says:

    The title doesn’t make me want to click any of the links.

  5. oppie Says:

    Yes, that fruitcake you linked is about the best I’ve had.

    It also does not give the impression it could last forever like many fruitcakes, or double as a cornerstone in a building. Some fruitcakes, even a hungry bear might hesitate before eating.

  6. Charles Says:

    Fruit cake, Yes, I sometimes do like; but, that “human cheese” thing – just plain yuck!

    And yes, you did warn us – but still yuck!

    Pecan pie, on the other hand, is one of the best pies concoctions ever made; especially if it is the chocolate-pecan pie variety!

  7. Don Carlos Says:

    The human cheese thing is not about humans at all, but about the microorganisms that are our fellow travellers. The headline, …”Would you eat yourself” suggests many ugly things about the writers’ personae, including a lust for attention outdone only by the likes of Lady Gaga.

  8. John Dough Says:

    Recent research has found that only 7 fruitcakes have ever been made. They are just passed around from year to year.

    They are also known to have a half life of Uranium 238

  9. Ymarsakar Says:

    I’ve heard the Japanese don’t eat cheese. The concept of preserving milk from cows seems to be a foreign food concept.

  10. tillurdizzy Says:

    Here in Texas everyone knows the best fruitcake is from Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana.

  11. Lurch Says:

    Love, love, love good fruitcake! Even the bad ones are greatly improved with an additional soak in good bourbon. Fruitcake has become a cultural joke and a lazy one at that. Kind of like New Jersey, where I live. Except for the taxes, it’s a great place with more to offer than most. And not so stinking hot, as the “desirable” states seem to be, where they can’t even make a decent pizza.

  12. Ymarsakar Says:

    Another form of “cannibalism” story ala Katrina cannibals? Human eating human instead of man biting dog?

  13. fiona Says:

    Irish Fruitcake, made in October and every two weeks poke a hole someplace and pour in some Irish whiskey. About two weeks before Christmas or gift giving, anoint with final whiskey round and enrobe in Marzipan. Cover with glacee sugar icing and decorate.
    Makes my teeth hurt just to talk about it.

  14. chuck Says:

    I like fruit cake in combination, say 70/30 fruitcake to butter. Yum. The link looks like worth a try ;)

  15. Socratease Says:

    The last 5 years or so I’ve been buying a few fruitcakes every year from Butterfield Farms for gifts for less familiar family members, plus one or two for myself. Very good stuff, I’d have it all year except I have a hard time justifying the price just for myself.

  16. Beverly Says:

    Okay, folks, here you go: Grandma’s Fruitcake Receipt. Pass it on!

    This is from our own grandmother, who made this for every Christmas. She was born in 1907 in Nashville, Tennessee. And a damn fine cook.

    “Very Best Fruitcake”

    3-ounce package lemon peel
    3-ounce package orange peel
    1/2 lb. candied cherries
    1/4 lb. walnuts
    1/4 lb. pecans
    1/2 lb. pitted dates
    1/4 lb. candied pineapple
    1/4 lb. preserved citron
    1/2 cup seeded raisins
    1/4 cup flour
    1 cup shortening
    1/2 cup sugar
    1/2 cup honey
    5 well beaten eggs
    1 1/2 cups flour
    1 teaspoon salt
    1 teaspoon baking powder
    1 tsp allspice
    1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
    1/2 teaspoon cloves
    1/4 cup orange or grape juice (or wine if desired)

    Shred fruit peels; halve cherries, nuts, and dates; cut pineapple and citron the size of an Almond.

    Dredge fruit in the 1/4 cup flour. Cream shortening and sugar, add honey, then eggs, and beat well.

    Add flour sifted with dry ingredients alternately with fruit juice, beat thoroughly.

    Pour batter over floured fruits and mix well. Pour batter into well-greased pans. Do not flatten.

    Bake in slow oven (250 degrees) for 3 to 4 hours. Place pan containing 2 cups of water on bottom shelf of oven while baking (cakes baked with water have greater volume and are more moist).

    If desired, decorate with almonds and cherries at the end of 2 hours.

    Wrap cakes in wine-soaked cloth before storing if desired. Makes about 5 pounds.

    You can use any combination of fruits desired, just keep same amount of fruit.”

    –Mickey Heins Givens, our Grandma

  17. Ymarsakar Says:

    On the topic of bacteria, this was very useful to know when it came to bio feedback and “healing oneself” using various meditations and exercises.

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Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely leaving the fold and becoming that dread thing: a neocon.


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