Home » Trying to talk oneself into an open marriage

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Trying to talk oneself into an open marriage — 40 Comments

  1. There’s also this: hooking up and degenerating down.

    http://nypost.com/2015/08/16/tinder-is-tearing-apart-society/

    What’s sadder than a hook up or an open marriage? An entire generation that had bought into it.

    ”If we look at the secret of degeneration from the exclusively traditional point of view, it becomes even harder to solve it completely. It is then a matter of the division of all cultures into two main types. On the one hand there are the traditional cultures, whose principle is identical and unchangeable, despite all the differences evident on the surface. The axis of these cultures and the summit of their hierarchical order consists of metaphysical, supra-individual powers and actions, which serve to inform and justify everything that is merely human, temporal, subject to becoming and to “history.” On the other hand there is “modern culture,” which is actually the anti-tradition and which exhausts itself in a construction of purely human and earthly conditions and in the total development of these, in pursuit of a life entirely detached from the “higher world.”
    – Julius Evola (On the Secret of Degeneration)

  2. This NY Magazine piece reads like fiction to me sort of like those ‘articles’ by that Tanya Cohen or whatever her name was that were so ridiculous as to be hard to believe. The pseudonym also leads to questions.

    But it did inspire Ace Of Spades to change his Twitter handle to ‘Paolo The Wifehunter’ which is pretty funny.

  3. Griffin:

    Yes, it could be a hoax. But I know that open marriage is not all that uncommon among youngish people today in certain liberal enclaves.

  4. We used to call such a man a cuckold. I would also suggest he get DNA testing on the children.

  5. Not only is the marriage at risk but as you briefly mention, the children’s emotional security. IMO, that is by far the strongest consideration of all.

    Open marriage is not polygamy but it does bear strong similarities to the non-formalities of plural marriage. Partners come and go, achieve differing degrees of intimacy and around the children swirl the parent’s experiment and gamble.

    Monogamy’s goal is the strongest binding of two souls, the ‘soul mate’ or ‘twin flame’. An elderly couple dotting upon each other in a tender closeness that others can only envy.

    Open marriage exchanges that goal for variety’s transient pleasure.

  6. i am middle aged, and so grew up before this “hooking up” bs. But unfortunately, it was after three “sexual Revolution.” I married for the first time late in life. I love my husband very much. But if I could live my life over again, and know what I know now, i would have waited until marriage.

  7. Neo, great post. I really see myself in a lot of this – not important which side I’m on, but I really appreciate how you lay out all the issues in a clear manner.

  8. This concept of an open marriage is something so foreign to our marriage it seems insane that any couple could consider it. Either a couple is totally devoted to each other or they are not a couple. Lack of imagination in a couple’s sex life is a sign they do not belong together.

  9. At first I thought this was pretty hilarious, and thought ‘what a patsy,’ but I read the whole article. It gets even sadder. This man stays home to take care of the kids and his wife is out in the world bringing home the bacon and now she is shtupping other people, and he could too if he could find anyone but he cant. Cause he doesn’t have a job. He’s a house husband taking care of the kids. So most women who are the type to sleep with married men aren’t gonna sleep with that kind of married man. This man is so sad and is trying to talk himself out of seeing the writing on the wall. He’s being treated pretty badly. I feel sorry for the kids.

  10. There’s been some question whether this person is who/what they say they are. Robert Stacy McCain, for one, has suggested this may be the wish fulfillment of a frustrated feminist. So has Ace, if I remember correctly.

    The story fits too neatly.

  11. Polygamy is much more reasonable than an open relationship. Parents are sure who is the parent, there is structure. Actually, I would say polygamy is natural. I have seen no religious restrictions about having multiple wives, though I believe that wives are limited, in around about ways, to one husband. Polygamy is nothing like an open relationship. From every religion I am aware, sex is limited to marriage, and marriage to between a man and one or more women. I don’t even think there is anything but, perhaps, pagan notions, which allow for a woman to have multiple husbands.

    Very different. Open relationships only seem to work if neither partner really cares and won’t, in the future, care. That is difficult to know, especially as one partner becomes obviously more sexed.

    Then again, I am voting that it is a hoax. Some woman writer fantasizing.

  12. Being cuckold notwithstanding a child born into a marriage has the woman’s husband as his/her legal father. DNA results don t count. Family law
    says the child is her husbands.
    Divorced guys have discovered kids are not theirs but they were still expected to pay child support.

  13. I hope this is a hoax. If not, well, this is going to end in tears. If they’re lucky.

  14. I thought “open relationships” died a whimpering death by 1970 or so. If feminists are going to revive anything else from the sixties, will somebody please wake me up from my medical marijuana?

    I’m sorry, I know I should be more sympathetic, but this is more cringe-worthy than sad. Now if I had a sick dog …

  15. This exposition was analyzed elsewhere on the Web and the consensus is that it was written by a woman. (feminist)

    The breadcrumbs led to one gal in particular… but no smoking gun.

    The minority opinion was that it was written by a true cuckold.

  16. This is not “marriage”: it’s promiscuous shacking-up. And the woman sounds like a sadist, and the man like a masochist.

    If it’s true, pity the poor kids.

    Right is right, and wrong is wrong. And words like “marriage” DO have meaning, leftwing nutjobs/degenerates notwithstanding. Adultery is forbidden for a whole host of reasons.

  17. Someone is trying to talk themselves into believing something, but it isn’t Michael Sonmore.

  18. I don’t think we ever thought the pill would lead us into open marriage and Ashly Madison. But, the unintended consequences…

  19. I have a relative who was in an unhappy marriage – they should never have gotten married, but she wanted to, and he went along with it. It was a loveless marriage and they were both in their mid 30s when the subject came up.

    She started cheating, he found out, and she refused to stop. So he accepted the open marriage. She thought they would have complete honesty about things, not sure why she thought that. They had 3 kids, 2 were newborns.

    Fast forward a year. She was just hooking, and he met a woman he fell in love with. Moved out, they divorced, and he is now remarried. She’s alone with 3 kids, and looking for someone. Can’t find anyone for a relationship. 3 kids = baggage. Was with 1 guy in an open relationship, but finally figured out that the guy was a loser, a taker.

    Who ended up hurt? The 3 priceless young boys now in a split home. Her, unhappy then, unhappy now, unhappy going forward.

    Tragic, sad and infuriating.

    As with all other things, there’s an active subculture that thinks it’s ok. She and I are divided by a complete gap in perspectives/outlooks. I love the boys like my own, and shake my head in sadness.

  20. “I don’t want her to fall in love with anyone else”

    When do you think this guy is going to realize she has never fallen in love with anyone at all.

  21. Where do journalists find these degenerates? Look at this:

    “The point is that it should be women who choose, not men – even the men they’re married to. For my wife, the choice between honoring our vows and fulfilling her desires was a false choice, another trap.”

    I thought that you *already chose* the moment you got married, and that it was perfectly reasonable for your spouse to be able to count with you not changing your mind on a whim. Especially once children have entered the picture. What else is the purpose of those vows?

    I cannot make up my mind whether it would be better for them to use whatever modicum of honesty they have left to divorce and go their separate ways, or they should stay in this… situation, not to disrupt their children’s tranquility. Although with these two I imagine that children have already picked up all sorts of cues that their parents are not quite normal: mother regressing to moral toddlerhood, father incapable of insisting on boundaries and actually agreeing that she should do that, both of them rationalizing this away as some sort of “progressive” wonder. Sounds like a great environment.

  22. As some wag on another page said, and it bears repeating here:

    “Caitlyn Jenner called. She said to grow some balls.”

  23. So, why does he “love” his “wife”?

    Poor sap. I wonder how long he makes her wait after returning before she can kiss him.

    By the way, although I called him a “poor” sap, no sense of pity or compassion should be read into that remark whatsoever.

  24. This guy is being emotionally abused. And so are his children. Get the hell out and don’t look back. This narcissistic woman loves nothing and no one but herself. She will hand over the kids with the least resistance from him.

  25. A man that doesn’t even command the loyalty, obedience, or respect of his children or partner, isn’t worth much.

    Just another breeding factory for Planned Profit’s profit.

  26. Nothing modern about this, the medievals and Romans had rape, sex slavery, and hedonism as well. They just had social systems surrounding it, that either hid it or encouraged it.

    The only thing modern I can see is that people don’t see a need to hide it now nor do they even understand what kind of power structure it creates, this hedonism.

  27. “Nothing modern about this, the medievals and Romans had rape, sex slavery . . . ” Yes, and those are exactly the moral equivalents of open marriage! Brilliant.

    In my experience, most people, even fairly sophisticated, open-minded people, cannot handle open marriage; but a few do. To each his own.

  28. Yes, and those are exactly the moral equivalents of open marriage! Brilliant.

    Hedonism must be a word you just were ordered to Stand Down and ignore then, zombie.

  29. “Open marriage” was what Henry 8th could use to justify getting a male heir. Aristocrats and those in power could always justify it one way or another. Unfortunately for you, Bilwick boyo, you aren’t an aristocrat, but merely the zombie dogs of the elite rulers.

  30. “Unfortunately for you Bilwick Boyo, you aren’t an aristocrat, but merely the zombie dogs of the elite rulers.”

    And you base this on what, Captain Logic?

    And no, I am not an aristocrat in the sense of having been born in Downton Abbey or the equivalent; but I like to think I am part of Jefferson’s natural aristocracy, the key ingredient of which Leonard Read described as “a love of excellence for its own sake.”

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