November 28th, 2017

The perfect headline for our times

“Rick Scott Consultant Denies He Used Ice Penis to Hump Mannequin.”

He can deny it all he wants, but the mannequin says he did it!

And come to think of it—now that you mention it—isn’t the word “mannequin” sexist?:

Mannequin comes from the French word mannequin, which had acquired the meaning “an artist’s jointed model”, which in turn came from the Flemish word manneken, meaning “little man, figurine”.

Down with mannequins!

[ADDENDNUM: I got an Instalanche for this post, and it’s worth going to the comments there to read a lot of funny stuff.]

23 Responses to “The perfect headline for our times”

  1. parker Says:

    Weird and disturbing.

  2. Griffin Says:

    But are the allegations ‘credible’?

  3. Surellin Says:

    Believe all mannequins.

  4. blert Says:

    Chilling.

  5. Frederick Says:

    Lyndon Johnson (apocryphally) comes to mind:

    “Nobody’s going to believe a thing like that.” “I know,” Johnson replied. “But let’s make the sonofab****h deny it.”

  6. Bilwick Says:

    Oh, come on–who hasn’t? Am I right, guys?

  7. Cap'n Rusty Says:

    The consultant could say “I am very sorry if these mannequins experienced that.”

  8. vanderleun Says:

    “He can deny it all he wants, but the mannequin says he did it!”

    Pretty much the finest sentence crafted here in the last 13 years.

  9. groundhog Says:

    How many sex conspiracies have been uncovered where multiple fake accusers were exposed and a plot actually uncovered?

  10. groundhog Says:

    Sorry, was for other thread actually.

  11. neo-neocon Says:

    groundhog:

    And yet it’s also perfect for this one.

    “Multiple fake accusers”—a lineup of mannequins.

  12. OldTexan Says:

    Mannequin did not protest, does that mean it was consensual? It’s OK, he was just dicking around but who paid for the mannequin and was that pay to play?

  13. Griffin Says:

    These comments are outrageous in response to credible allegations of sexual assault upon this stalwart member of the garment industry. Mannequins don’t lie about such things. I believe.

    #yesallmannequins

  14. arcb01 Says:

    Does that mean that the Obama speechwriter can be indicted for groping the chest of the life-sized cutout photo of Hillary Clinton? After all, if true, the Florida case is less serious as it was not a representation of an actual person.

  15. Jerry Says:

    Yeah but did he do something with a cigar?

  16. Ymar Sakar Says:

    Conspiracy theories and facts are way more entertaining than this.

  17. parker Says:

    Count me old fashion, and raised by a salt of the earth ma and pa. Females should be protected by males and never shamed. Even in this context. There is only so much destruction a civilization can absorb. We are at 99%.

  18. jeremy abrams Says:

    Diabolical! The evidence melts into thin air.

    But how do you actually hump a mannequin with an ice penis? Strap-on? I refuse to read the article. My two boys are asleep, and I know my laughter would wake them.

  19. Goodwin Sands Says:

    Only I.C. Weiner knows!

  20. Esther Says:

    They spend a lot of words rationalizing the hunk of ice, but no explanation about the mannequin.

  21. Ron Says:

    Cool!

  22. steve walsh Says:

    And here I thought I could get through my life without ever reading such a headline. Silly me.

  23. ConceptJunkie Says:

    “Real” news outlets are doing their best to put satire like “The Onion” and “Babylon Bee” out of business. It doesn’t help that the rest of the world seems in on it, too.

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Previously a lifelong Democrat, born in New York and living in New England, surrounded by liberals on all sides, I've found myself slowly but surely leaving the fold and becoming that dread thing: a neocon.
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